Your daily cooking tip:

If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. 

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith, the Sunday School teacher, smiling sweetly said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that I made ugly an face, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

A mother was driving her kids to school one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

A guy walks into a doctor's office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, "Doc, what's wrong with me?"

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

Every morning I announce to my family that I’m going jogging, but then I don’t go.

It’s a running joke. 

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Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?

I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman and asked the question, “Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?”

Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, “I do.”