Autumn75

I got chicken pox at age 21, and wasso Ill I had to be hospitalised for two weeks abd they gave me what, was at the time, an experimental drug...

12:34 AM

Good morning.

Edgy.

Continue tyding up. Perhaps gl.to the "dollar "store...

Cayenne pepper with lemon water.

7:15 AM.

Good morning.

Tuesday, 8 July, 2025 6:50 AM Good morning from Canada everyone ... I slept again forhours and hours, deeply, blessedly dreamlessly, woke just before 3 AM-the perfect time for prayer. And no, did not rush down the stairs outside to coughon a horrible tasting cigarette-I actually poured dish soap over them last night, threw them in the trash...prayed to St.Ephraim, the Orthodox patron Saint of addiction last night, and this morning. I prayed, but not as deeply as I would have liked to, as far as my own, scattered personal prayers... But pleased I awoke just before3 AM, andwas able to pray a bit... I did find myself hungry after a little while, had two apples ( all I had in the house ) then at just after 5 AM found myself going to my old church, had a black coffee, and a full breakfast ( minus the meat ).. Left, and felt better...even ok to GOOD... But now that I am " home" anxiety and nicotine cravings are starting to grip me... I will NOT smoke again though. Already exacerabating my asthma, giving me quite an awful bronchial cough, having to use my ventolin more often...not worth it. For so, so many reasons. I really need another coffee right now. I am suddenly very tired again, although I awoke feeling quite rested thanks be to God. I am feeling trapped in this place again, smothered... I wish I could sleep through this endless summer day... The entire summer actually... Love and Peace and Healing to you all. ❤️🕊❤️

Thank you for caring, and thank you for your prayers.🩷

Years, on and off of IP CBT have taught me to follow my negative thought(s), look for evidence, change the thought(s) lying to me, and then change my behaviour(s) CBT has worked better for me than DBT personally. I really ought to look for a good CBT workbook...

I.feel like crying...great cathartic tears.. And I don't know why. Do any of you with BPD simply wake up, not having had a nightmare you can recall, no discernable trigger, and you feel...unhinged? My " fractured personality " has me, in combination with all my other dxs leaves me feeling, even after two IP admissions very recently, " unstable".. I assure you all I am safe, just...miserable...

Yes me too. I long for a glorious thunderstorm...I would absolutely dance out in a downpour... Glad you are drinking water!

Monday, 7 July 2025 10:42 AM I slept and slept and slept... Woke up whining to myself.As in my 20s and 30s first impulse was to go.go.outside And have a coffee and a cigarette. But oh. I had none. I am so ashamed as I made such a grandiose vow to stop, but I am already addicted to the horrible things, and I was so anxious when I woke up...so now, after buying, yes, another toxic pack, and an equally toxic coke zero, here I sit in a rare shadey place on a bench on my street, poisoning myself... I vaguely recall waking up...what time? I took my morning meds and no.memoryy of having gone back to bed. I am shakey and feel like crying and don't know why- I wish it was today Dr.S was going to be calling me...bjt think it is on Thursday. He knows how hard a time I am having ( as always) with this upcoming birthday. I ought to post on other boards here, rather than to continue with this self indulgent journal entry.. So much to say...no way of verbalising anything, but I write better than I speak... Or perhaps not- No voice. I still feel physically unwell, but all that deep dreamless sleep definitely helped... I will close now... Try to.post elsewhere here... Thank you for reading if you have. Love and Peace and Healing to you all. ❤️🕊❤️

Indeed it is! Supposed to rain today, praying it does. Keep hydrated!❤️

Peter Gabriel

Variety store owner.

Oh ..terriblybhot and sunny and humid here too...although a blessed breeze here in this spot of shade I have found..

9:57 AM

Good morning.

Denzel Washington

Hunchback whale

Nirvana

Yes, I know. I'm so glad Dr.S wrote that letter stating that I require a/c for medical reasons. Can't wait for autumn here.🍁

Oh. It it the 11th..