Autumn75

Kitchener Ontario

Good morning![

18 C.! Much cooler and is supposed to rain!

10:39 AM

Make a coffee.

Blessed

Black tea lemonade

First of all, let me preface this post with my sincere compassion for those of you dxd with fall and wintertime SAD...I watched my mum suffer with this as soon as the clocks fell back every year... A couple of years ago though my pyschiatrist dxd me with "SAD In Reverse", as for me, as soon as the clocks go forward *I* fall back... I just can't bear the longer sunnier days, and now...this heat! Most of my hospitalisation have been in the spring and summer, and just as recently as last month I had to have another admission. Anyway, just wondering if any of you struggle more during the spring and summer... I don't talk about this to too many people as most people can't understand why I am much more at ease when it is overcast and rainy, and how depressed I get during the seasons when people brightly say,"What a beautiful day!" Well, perhaps all of you as well will think me quite the freak, so taking a risk here I guess. I know this is not in the DSM V, but my pyschiatrist is not dismissive of the reality that I "Always have a hard time in the spring and summer." I guess hence, my screen name here...Autumn to me is beautiful and I feel much better once the clocks " Fall Back"... So...anyone else struggle in the spring and summer?

Get groceries.

I am ashamed to say this...but, I haven't kept up with the news hardly at all for a very long time...my last tv stopped working and it has been a blessing...its all garbage anyway, And my cable bill was insanely high... I feel terrible I am so clued out about current events, but I just can't handle it... I stumble on to headlines, and often am taken in by them, read, am horrified. And...can't. My boyfriend often tries to talk about what's going on in the world, but I generally tell him,"No, stop I can't hear about it." One thing I was regularly doing a couple years ago was reading "Positive News" online...there were a couple great sites with inspiring stories of the GOOD that is still happening in this otherwise messed up world... Forgive me for not having any links, but encourage you all to do a search simply for "Positive News", and I shall too...that doesn't mean I ought to remain so clued out about what's going on, but reading about good things still happening in our world tends to restore my faith in humanity...

I have not been good at coping with my other disabilities on top of my myriad of Mi... I lost 60% of my hearing at age 25. It is probably worse now, but missed my last ENT audiology test. I tend to apologise for not being able to hear well. It's very frustrating as an invisible disability. I am now dealing with a chronic pain issue,which is dismissed by people sometimes. It triggers despondency in me. A sense of intense loneliness and frustration... I have not been accepting it with " ...peace of soul" as the Orthodox morning prayer goes... Which in turn, triggers immense guilt and shame... I wish I had something more inspired, more positive to say...Just know that for those of you struggling with all manner of disabilities on top of your MI, my heart goes out to you all...and sending you empathy and strength.

It's so hard, isn't it, to open up to people who care about you about your MI? The only things I might suggest are to write them a letter if you it is too hard to verbalise things... Somethinglike..."When I am/I feel, I need...." Forgive me if this is too simplicistic a suggestion, and it certainly doesn't work with everyone... You shouldn't have to suffer in silence all on your own though, which only amplifies your inner struggles...

Oh, @Lavender sorry you have had bad experiences with past therapists as well. Certainly many of them don't belong in the profession.

My first therapist, at age 17, took me I to a narrow tiny room, and just..stared at me...I was very uncomfortable. Once when I missed my bus and was late for my session ( of uncomfortable silence ), he told me I was " trying to control" him. It was after that that I stopped showing up at all, and then he called me up and started yelling at me,"I've been doing thisfor twenty years!" After that, at age 25 I met my pyschiatrist/ therapist in the city I used to live in,who was an existenalist, and very empathetic and devoted to me. I saw him.weekly for 5 years befure Imoved. Then, after moving to this city, had some flakey lady try to get me to.join her really creepy cult. .so, left her, couple years past before I was able to become a patient of my current also devoted and empathetic pyschiatrist/ therapist of over the past 11 years...he is person centered, and he hs brilliant t and I trust him implicitly... So...know how lucky I am...

Wednesday 25 June, 2025 4:55 AM Good morning from Canada everyone... Slept solidly until, as usual, a strange early morning... I was dreaming...sonething. Can't remember it now, but do remember talking, whining in my twighlight sleep about the heat... So certain my 6 AM went off and that I turned it off, thinking it was 6 AM...as I woke up a little more, although eyes still heavy with medicated sleep, looked at my phone, it was around. Quarter to four? I stepped under a cold shower, filledmy water filter jug with cold water made a coffee, and poureda glass of lemon and turmeric water.. Went outside, out back with my coffee, hoping for a cool breeze, but none, very humid...smoggy air a shroud over the evil filthy city... Anyway, sciatica bad right now ..dawn is dawning....ought to walk a little if I can... Healing and Love to all of you. ❤️

Underslept, whiney irritable, anxious.

4:10 AM

27 C outside.. Sun hasn't come up yet.

Myself

Across the street to.park for hopefully.s liite bit of cooler dawn air...

Make a coffee

Gatineau,Quebec

Tom Petty

Ask your favourite and devoted English and drama teacher in high-school to help you plan your future, since your mum couldn't be bothered to guide you. Audition for as many theatre schools as you can, seek help from a financial aid assistance counsellor. Believe in yourself. That your future CAN be brighter and that you CAN achieve your dreams.

Poisonous Diet coke with a lot of ice.